Dumb American
London, England

I don't think my feet ever hit the ground in April. 

The adventure started in late March when I approached my boss about working closer with our company's UK team. Shortly after that conversation, I found myself wedged between a crying baby and a guy who spilled over the armrest headed to London Heathrow. Talk about some work #swag. 

 

 

I was always a little terrified to travel on my own. It's a lot easier to take the blame of being the loud, stupid American when you're the only one there. I went knowing no one besides what I can make of people from email, and it was exhilarating to say the least.

 

I LEARNED THINGS

Not all cabbies take card. My first experience fresh off the plane, I took the Heathrow Express from the airport to Paddington to avoid the morning traffic. Grabbing a cab in Paddington, I quickly learned they will offer to take you to an ATM if you make it more than my 10-inch adventure before I yelled at him to "Stop!" while waving my AMEX around. He kindly pointed me to a cab that he knew took card, and in that cab I had my second European experience...

AMERICANS PRONOUNCE EVERYTHING WRONG

Russel Street. American: Russ-L-Stree-eat British: Rou-sell-Stree-eat

It's easier than imagined to be the loud, dumb American when you're yelling 'RUSSL-STREEEET' through a plastic divider. 

Dumb American: I

ELEVATORS HAVE CODES

And if you don't know it, you end up standing in an empty elevator car staring at the buttons trying to will them alive with your mind powers until the jolly little security guard comes to type it in for you.

Dumb American: II

LONDON KNOWS HOW TO PARTY

You're allowed to walk around the streets with open beer or drink. The only downside was seeing a very attractive man walking down the street on his way to the pub with a 40oz of Budwiser. Bud on any continent should be an act of public indecency.

British Wanker: I 

YOU'RE EITHER AMERICAN OR CANADIAN

And I still haven't figured out which one they think is worse. If you have an accent that isn't European expect to get asked what you think of Trump, or would you like maple syrup with that. 

Canadians: I ; Trump: 0

BUTTONS

Cadbury Buttons are the shit. 

British: I